I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
