So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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