'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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