no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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