very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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