if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
