ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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