i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
