You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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