I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
