Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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