i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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