we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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