I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
