guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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