I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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