i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
