More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
