I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
