Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
