I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
