ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
nutella sex= disaster
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
