just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
...so i touched it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
