Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do vagina's smell?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize