I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
