remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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