I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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