Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
