it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
