Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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