Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
