wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
