Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize