Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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