this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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