90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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