a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
