I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
