Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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