Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
