If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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