i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize