Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
