That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
