I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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