I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
