It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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