BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
