home. puking in laundry basket.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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