i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize