it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
