I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
