And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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