dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cover your peen. We're going out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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