The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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