can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
