You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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