well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im holly from the hills drunk
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize