Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize