im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize