Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
