Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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