girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
