Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
