you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
