Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
