TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
