Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
