The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
