exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize