I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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