tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
