I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
