Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I forget how to act sober
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
