i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize